About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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