once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
