We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
