I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
