He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
