i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize