peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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