dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
