It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
