i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize