what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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