Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
it's like heaven, but drunker
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
