You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
