Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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