blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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