just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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