The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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