I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
