you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
