I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Randomize
