...so i touched it.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
