i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
