idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
