Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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