Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
