on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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