You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
