Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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