OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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