Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize