You're my little dorito
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
