Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
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