too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
