Cold hands, warm shart.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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