I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Is Oprah even human
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
