I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize