All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
