if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
