I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize