As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
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