UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
