the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
