And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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