I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
