I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
