And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
