he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm sobbing to NWA
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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