you guys were way drunker than both of me
I think my fart just growled at me.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
