There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
