I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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