two words: eviction party
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
