Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The uberlube is also flammable
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He did a backflip because drugs
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
