bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm both gender and math confused
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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