would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
they're like a gay fantastic four
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
