I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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