my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
