you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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