I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
