dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
