addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
