he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
