just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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